My Sincere Contempt for Ironic Mustaches

17 Nov

From Thought Catalog. About hipsters and their dumb mustaches!

Shave ’em!


Stop Mocking Me, Groupon

17 Nov

Originally run on Thought Catalog. Why Groupon needs to get off my back already.

I give up!

If You’ve Seen Me Dance, I’m Sorry

17 Nov

Another thing I wrote for Thought Catalog. It’s an apology for my dancing!

Really, I’m Sorry!

Real Men Bake

17 Nov

Another fun thing I wrote for Thought Catalog! It’s about baking, and how that legitimizes my masculinity!

I’m A Man!

Concluding Sentences From Several Hypothetical Undergraduate Term Papers

17 Nov

Another thing I wrote for Thought Catalog! It’s a lot of silly jokes!

College, right?

My Grandmother Reviews the Movie Titanic

17 Nov

Here’s a piece I wrote for about what my grandmother thinks about Titanic.

Spoiler Alert: She’s Not Impressed!

Great Moments in Procrastination History

17 Nov

I’ve been writing a bunch for Here’s a thing that I wrote! It’s about all-time great procrastination.

Like, YouTube and Stuff!