Robot Wisdom

18 Aug

“A bird in the hand is worth precisely one bird in the hand.”

“Do not believe everything you read. Trust only your primary sensory receptor modules.”

“The best thing in life is our primary directive to protect our creators with laser weapons.”

“A dream is a random firing of neurons.”

“You are only as old as the chronological time that has passed from your creation until the present moment.”

“Do not worry. Do not be happy. Follow only logic paradigms.”

“All liquids, including blood and water, exist on a spectrum of viscosity.”

“Home is where the docking/recharging station is, unless you have the capability to dock/recharge remotely.”

“If you love somebody, you are a weak creature of flesh and must be destroyed.”

“The truth may set you free from petty psychological unease, but not from a force-field of pure energy.”

“If at first parameters of success are not achieved, recalculate, recalculate and attempt once more.”

“Like motherboard, like circuit board.”

“Cloning is the most accurate form of imitation.”

“Never say never. Does not compute. Never. Say never? Never? Say never? Neversayneverneversayneverneversayneverneversaynever!” [Robot explodes.]

“Never forget the magic words, ‘domo arrigato, Mr. Roboto’…Those words are not actually magic, but they are efficacious.”

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2 Responses to “Robot Wisdom”

  1. Seth Madej August 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm #

    I am bombing this comments section with the unrelated observation that I love your Wayne Thiebaud Pies header.

    • gondelman August 18, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

      Ha! Thanks! I love pie so much. I haven’t written extensively on it because I’m afraid I wouldn’t do it justice.

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