Lapping It Up

14 Aug

Guys!

This weekend I was at Goonies Comedy Club in Rochester, MN. It was a lot of fun. The shows were terrific, and the staff was super nice and cool. Friday, everything went generally as you’d expect a comedy show to go. Jokes, laughs, drinks, etc. Saturday night, it got a little Wild West-y.

There was a bachelorette party in the front row, and they were very well behaved, which is not generally the case with bachelorette parties. In fact, except for the bride-to-be having a two foot long inflatable penis laid across her lap like a shotgun, they did nothing to take the focus off of the show. They even took some good-natured teasing on the subject of their slightly excessive penis regalia.

During the headliner’s set, I walked out of the room to grab a drink of water. When I came back, the headliner (Davin Rosenblatt) was negotiating some sort of treaty with the bachelorette. What it turned out to be was what she was willing to trade for her waiter’s underwear. She initially offered a penis-shaped lollipop. Davin talked her up to a penis-shaped lollipop as well as a lap dance for the waiter. He’s a good negotiator.

So that happened. And Davin had 15 minutes left in his set. And you can’t exactly go back to jokes after a bride-to-be has stiffly and awkwardly gyrated on the lap of one of the servers. It just doesn’t seem authentic at that point.

At this point, Davin decides he’s got to do something to maintain the frenzied enthusiasm of the audience. So he enlists me.

“Josh,” he says. “Get up onstage! The bachelorette’s mother-in-law-to-be is going to give you a lap dance!”

Oh, great. Now, I’m not really into strip clubs. And I’m also not really into cougars as a “type.” And this lady was a little past cougar-dom. But I have a tendency to be compulsively helpful. Plus I have some improv training, so in an effort to “yes, and!” what Davin had offered, I dutifully took the stage.

As the somewhat-bewildered older woman took the stage, I offered a meek handshake. Then I sat down and tried not to look too uncomfortable. She seemed like a very nice lady, but I’m not really into simulated sex with strangers. Call me old-fashioned. Mom-In-Law got right up on me gave a fairly credible fully-clothed dance. The audience went crazy. I would like to tell you what song was playing, but my desire to not make any inappropriate physical contact with the woman on my lap superseded my ability to remember too many details.

I headed to the back of the room to watch the rest of the show, a little embarrassed, but glad to have been a team player. The bachelorettes were very nice after the show. Now I’m in Minneapolis. Hopefully my sets here will be a little more run of the mill.

Hooray Comedy!
Josh

 

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