Can I still adopt a highway?

10 Dec

This is the place where I am!

Hey Everyone,

I’m in Indianapolis right now hanging out at my hotel.  I just scavenged the continental breakfast for snacks for the rest of the day.  I have already had orange juice and an apple.  So I’m killing it with produce so far today.  Yesterday, I even had a salad.  Way to go me, for not just eating cake stuffed pie for every meal.  Anyway.

Last night was my first show at Morty’s, and it was really fun!  There was a crowd of about fifty or sixty people who work for a search engine called Slingshot.  I was a little nervous, since sometimes comedy can become background noise when it’s just for one big group.  But!  It was a pretty fun group, young people who were invested in the show.

The host, Bowers, is also one of the owners of the club.  He did a good job testing the clean-ness limits of what the audience wanted to hear.  Then the other headliner, Tony Deyo, came up and did his set.  Tony is a former teacher, and I was worried that we’d have too much overlap in material, but we did not.  Tony is really funny and clean, and I enjoyed watching his set.

When I got onstage, the crowd was warm and still having fun.  I riffed on the Christmas decorations in the room and then went into material.  What I like about closing a show with a longer set is that I don’t have to cram in all the jokes that I want to do.  Plus, I can play and talk to the crowd more, if I want, without worrying that I’m burning them out for the next comic.  This went a little off the rails last night in a super fun way.

As I was finishing a joke about minor league baseball, in which I facetiously suggest that you can sponsor a minor league right fielder so that he has clean drinking water.  As I finished the joke, a woman in the front row (who I later learned was drinking hard before the show) pointed at me and said: “Hey!  That’s not funny!”

When I asked her why not, she responded: “I’m giving up my twenty-second birthday so that people can have clean drinking water.”

I, confused, answered: “So you’re just going to be twenty-three, then?”  Which got a laugh.

“No,” she replied, “I just want to help people.”

“Well, you’re helping me make these other people laugh.”

“I’m giving up my birthday so that people can have clean drinking water,” she reiterated.

“Right, you said that.  But that’s not how birthdays work.  It’s also not how charity works.  So please explain to me what you think you did to help people on your birthday.”  Another big laugh.

She filled in the details that instead of asking for birthday presents, she just requested that her friends and family donate to a charity of her choice.  Oh.  Got it.

“Well, that’s very sweet,” I conceded. “But, it has literally nothing to do with what I was saying.  So, please, next time you decided to yell out after one of my jokes, just remember that it’s not my fault, and you’re the one who decided to ruin your birthday on purpose.  I wasn’t even going to get you a present.  We’re not that close.”  Big laugh, then back to jokes.

Later on, the same girl laughed at a big about taking money from the homeless, at which point I told her she didn’t have a moral leg to stand on anymore.  She laughed.  Fun times.  Heckling is absolutely not okay at a comedy show, but it’s fun to have a conversation if an interesting story develops.  There were no hard feelings, and everyone enjoyed themselves.

People bought some t-shirts afterwards, and someone even Tweeted that I was “off the hook.”  (Which is good, Nana and Aunt Barbara, who are probably reading this.)


Two more shows tonight and two tomorrow.  8 and 10:15.
If you’re in Indianapolis, come on by, team!


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